First published in Jivaka Journal

Grounding, quite simply, is rootedness. Rather than spinning in your head, when you are grounded you are in your body, and you feel connected.

Feeling grounded, really grounded, is an aspect of mindfulness. Your mind connects with your body. Your body connects to the earth. You are in touch with your emotions, but not governed by them.

Perhaps you feel grounded in your yoga class, on your morning run or on the meditation cushion, but we cannot always be in yoga class, on a run or on our cushions. How do we stay grounded and connected as we live our over-filled lives?

Let me give you an example (with a little back-story). I am a Thai massage therapist and teacher and have been since 2001. Yes, I am in the grounding business. My work has taken me to Thailand where I lived for several years, married a Thai man and gave birth to my son. During that time, I made my home in Chiang Mai, a beautiful city at the foothills of the northern mountains, a city filled with country people.

One afternoon as I pushed the stroller along a sidewalk in Chiang Mai, two little Thai motorbikes got into an accident in front of me. Now, motorbikes are the preferred vehicle for Thai people and children are raised on them, literally. To say that Thai people are completely at home on their motorbikes misses the point. They carry their kids (all three of them at once), their dogs and their groceries on them with a sense of balance and relaxation I could never manage.

So when these two little motorbikes touched each otherʼs handle bars in the intersection and spilled the riders to the pavement, it was a surprise to us all.

Imagine what happened next.

The first thing each rider did, before checking themselves or their motorbikes for damage, was this. They placed their hands together in the prayer position at their lips, lowered their heads and rushed toward each other. Why? To ask forgiveness and to make sure the stranger they had just spilled to the pavement was alright. They laughed. They dusted each other off. They picked up each otherʼs motorbikes, and they went their separate ways smiling.

No yelling. No blaming. No kidding. Imagine that same accident in your neighborhood.

Hmm. Why the difference? To me it is this. Thai people are, by and large, grounded. They do not spin in their heads. They are connected to the earth, to the present moment and most importantly to each other.

To be grounded is much more than the experience we have on the yoga mat or on the meditation cushion. To be grounded is to connect.

Yes, we know that grounding connects us with ourselves, but more importantly grounding allows us to more fully connect with others. When we are grounded, we make easy connection to those we love, those we work with and even those we meet on the street.

If we accept that learning to be grounded (or not) is cultural, what are we to do here in the Western world? My mamma didnʼt teach me to be grounded. I am sure she never gave it a thought, but all is not lost. We take it one step at a time. Most of it is common sense in the end.

Here’s What My Thai Family Taught Me About Grounding

Worry is pointless (of course, because it makes you spin in your head). Taking care of each other is a duty and an honor (and gives life real meaning). And, itʼs never too early to start planning tonightʼs dinner (seriously, planning, preparing and sharing food is a centering activity in a Thai household).

I could recommend to you exercises to help you feel more grounded, but those would have a small, and probably short-term effect. Letʼs think bigger. Letʼs think about connection.

Hereʼs my list to help you, offered up gently, not in a we-in-the-West-are- bad, those-in-the-East-are-good kind of way. Just in the way my sweet Thai sister would, “Here, Pam. Try this. Do you like it?” With a smile, of course.

• Spend less time alone, especially at home.
• Look at, listen to and touch the people in your life more than usual. Drop the worries. Really.
• Help someone for no reason, and then do it again. Smile at strangers.
• Oh, and start talking about whatʼs for dinner at breakfast!
• Make gathering for meals a centering activity for everyone under your roof.

When I moved back to New Yorkʼs Hudson River Valley after my years in Thailand, friends told me I seemed softer and more relaxed. At the time, I didnʼt really understand. I had a toddler and a busy Thai massage practice much the same as before. But, Thailand has taught me many lessons, and I am working through them day by day.

Borrow a few of them for your own life. It will help you feel more grounded.

If you could sense energy, what would you do with it? Really, think for a minute. What would you do with it?

Let me tell you a story. In May 2004, my brother had been in Iraq for just a couple of weeks serving in the Naval Reserves when I got a call from our dad. Yes, that kind of call. For the next few months, I did everything I could to be in hospitals in Bethesda, then Tampa to help him and my Rock-of-Gibraltar sister-in-law while he recovered from his wounds. This photograph was taken of Diana and Pete in Tampa during that first year of heavy lifting.

So, there I was a couple of years out of massage school and wanting to help. But, how do you help a guy when you are a Thai massage therapist, and he can’t move? Pete is paralyzed from the top of his shoulders down. On one particularly long day in the hospital, he was suffering unrelieved pain from shrapnel in his neck. Too risky to surgically remove it at that point.

I had no idea what to do. But, I had seen others lay their hands on people and do something good. No idea what, but hell. I had nothing else. So I wiggled myself into the space between his head board and the wall, being careful of the ventilator, monitors and alarms, and I gently cradled his dear, sweet head in my hands. And I stood there. And I waited. And I felt kind of silly. He was quiet, but not asleep. I thought he was probably being polite and figured at least I wasn’t hurting him.

Just as I was about to leave the poor guy alone and gently extract myself from the wires and tubes, I felt pounding between my hands. Shocked, I looked down expecting him to be having a seizure. He was perfectly still with a slight smile on his face. Did I say pounding?! Pounding. Thunderous. Aggressive. Pounding. And still he wasn’t fluttering an eyelid. It was like being punched in the palms for me. For him, not so much. After a few long, long minutes, it stopped. As it did, he opened his eyes and looked up at me with a grin. “Did you feel that?” he said. Then I gently turned his head to one side to remove one hand, a tiny movement, but is produced a loud, dry bony crack in his neck. Great, now I’ve totally broken his broken neck, I think. But he was quiet, so I slipped out of his room.

My sister-in-law came out a short while later smiling. He was asleep. Merciful sleep. Relieved of pain, at least for that day.

Clients who have known me since those days often kindly ask how Pete is doing. He is fabulous. My brother is a truly self-actualized human being. He is right where he is supposed to be, and he knows it. One of the first things he said to me, when he was able to speak, was this, “who could have known so much love was packed into that bomb.” That’s my baby brother.

So, why tell you this story? This kind of drama doesn’t happen every day (for which we are truly grateful). My point is this. I am no more sensitive, enlightened, or extraordinary than you are, dearest. You can turn on your light. You can sense energy. You can use it for yourself and others.